SECRETS OF STRESS REDUCTION

 CONFLICT RESOLUTION

KEYNOTE: OVERCOMING CHALLENGES, "THE SAGES AND THEIR STORIES ABOUT MONEY"

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MONETARY
STRESS REDUCTION

 HOW TO MANAGE MONEY AND RELATIONSHIPS

 THE MONETARY CONTROL ISSUE DURING DIVORCE
 

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Turning Conflict Into Agreement
 

The goal of this program is to resolve conflicts in any situation, thereby creating a safe environment in which everyone will succeed.  This is an interactive program which provides transformational tools to resolve existing or potential conflicts.

• Achieve satisfactory solutions to your conflicts.
• Create a win-win situation and solve old problems.
• Learn and utilize new tools during negotiation.
• Learn the art of listening without judgment.

• Higher production levels.
• Increased profitability.
• Reduced employee turnover.

How to Resolve Conflict:

1. The problem is stated only with facts.  Interpretation and criticism are eliminated and participants receive coaching to choose non-judgmental words.

2. Feelings are expressed safely without suppression.  As they are acknowledged, a basis is created for understanding wants and requests.

3. These feelings are described, showing an understanding of what is felt by the other side.

4. The conflict is described from a detached point of view.

5. Requests are stated.  This step of the process can be expressed only after wants have been clearly stated.

6. An acceptance of the requests is achieved by completing the guided process, producing agreement.
 
 

Dr. Gordon reminds us: 

         "Employees come to work with the intention of doing a good job, enjoying whatever they do or produce.  Unfortunately conflicts amongst themselves,  problems with the management or supervisors, create vicious cycles of negativity and reduced production.  By creating a new venue for conflict resolution we solve these problems.  A positive attitude is brought back into the workplace.  Every person reaches his or her highest potential.
         The goal of this workshop is to resolve conflicts in the workplace between partners and employees, or between management and employees.  This is an interactive workshop which will leave you with transformational tools to resolve existing or potential conflicts."
 

• Achieve mutual and satisfactory solutions to your conflicts
• Resolve ongoing conflicts using mutual consideration
• Solve old problems in order to reach agreements
• Learn and utilize new tools during negotiation
• Learn the art of listening without judgment

On behalf of the entire UCOC Congregation I would like to say thank you for the program you gave us on conflict resolution.  I think everyone in our Congregation needs the useful tools that you taught us to use.  The work you are doing is very important and you are a very engaging speaker.  I hope you will come to our Congregation again to teach us more about conflict resolution.

                                                          Randi Dunvan
                                                          UCOC Program Chair
 
 

Do you observe conflict in your corporation?

Do you agree that employees who are in conflict are less happy and less satisfied at the workplace?

Do you agree that employees who are happier will be more productive?

Do you agree that during negotiation, a lot of times the sales team are confronting conflicts?

     If they say yes, say I will create a workshop that will create a better working environment.  No conflict and as a result no stress.

     Dr. Gordon, the founder of The Conflict Resolution Institute has designed a system and technique that teaches how to turn conflict into agreement. He also teaches how to create a venue in which employees can solve their existing conflicts, and teaches how to prevent conflicts.

     The participants learn that they are not the conflict; the conflict happened to them or they are legally involved in with it. They have to detach themselves from the conflict.  Just because they are having a conflict doesn't mean that they are the conflict. It shouldn't consume them. 

     Participants who fear that they won't be able to create a resolution will create a self-fulfilling prophecy, and they will not create a resolution.  In Chinese the symbol for crisis and opportunity is the same.  More people put more energy into worrying about the conflict that they cannot solve than putting the energy into solving the problem.

     In this workshop the participants learn not to exert any negative energy and will free their energy to try to build something even better.

     Once they understand this concept and their partner in the conflict, they will give empathy to their partner. This process creates healing and conflict resolution. Conflict resolution should create a win-win situation.  The participants do not always have to feel that they are actually winning. Letting the other party win will create in the long run a win-win situation for both of them.

     When you give in on a point in the conflict or you let go of certain requests that you had, do not do it with the expectation that the other party will do the same. If you do it with that expectation, the other party might feel that you are putting pressure on him or her. You have to let go without any expectation. 

     Letting go and expecting the other party to do the same is like giving a compliment and expecting the other party to do likewise. When I give a compliment and immediately get one in return I feel that the other compliment might have come out of obligation and it is not a sincere one. I also feel that it invalidated my compliment. This is not always true, but a lot of times it is true. 

     This does mean that you have to compromise your integrity.  If you feel that by letting the other party receive what they want, then you will feel completely wiped out. Then and only then do not give in because in such a situation you need too much energy to live with yourself. However, this situation is usually rare, and a compromise will help you and will create a real win-win situation for both of you.  Richard Carlson in his book said “do not sweat the small stuff.” Later on he continues and says actually “everything is small stuff.” When you let the other party have the feeling that they are winning, they will be ready to go more than half way towards you because they will want to keep their position of winning. 
 

Guidelines to participants in the "Conflict Resolution" process:.
 

A) Understanding, having empathy, is a very important step.
When we talk about understanding, first we have to understand ourselves why are we feeling in a certain way towards the situation. Once we understand ourselves we can get to the next step of understanding our partner. It is important to know that understanding does not always mean agreeing; it means having empathy. We can acknowledge the feeling of our partner and completely disagree.
Once we understand our partner there is no should or could. We cannot have a conflict resolution during which you blame your partner for the conflict for things that they could or should have done, because it will always put our partner on the defensive.

B) Each participant should read aloud to his partner in the conflict (I want to start with calling the other person the partner) what he wrote one answer at a time and I want the partner to repeat the words that he or she heard.
1. It is very important to repeat the words; it was scientifically proved that when one person repeats the words, the possibility of his or her remembering the other side’s point of view is four times greater. Research shows that partners to conflict who repeated their partner’s words came to a resolution twice as fast as partners who did not repeat the words.
2. When you know that you have to repeat, you concentrate on what your partner said and listen instead of thinking of what you are going to say.
3. By repeating, you start showing your understanding to the other side, diminish their anger, and you release their tension. 

C) In this process of conflict resolution I stress that you will work out of your want. If for one minute you think that it is different, I want you to look at the bigger picture. You have a choice not to go through this process at all. It is true that there will be consequences to your choice--you might have to go to court and incur more expenses, or to suffer more from being in the conflict; however it will be your choice. Now that you know that it is your choice, I want you to empower yourself to bring the best out of you to make this process work. 

D) If anyone starts to feel angry or upset by what his partner said, you have to remember that it is not what your partner said that made you upset.  It is your own reaction to what they said that made you feel a specific way. You are the only one responsible for your feelings.
 
 

Sample exercise given during the "Conflict Resolution" process:
 
 

1.  What will it take for your partner in the conflict to do so you can solve the conflict?
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
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2. What is the maximum concession that you are ready to make in order to solve the conflict?
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
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Guideline for communication under duress

in the heights of the conflict.

Communication should be done only in writing fax is preferable email is secondary. (Email might be sent premaurally and might be deleted by the other party.

Start for yourself an empowerment folder to keep all this information.

I) Write down what everything you want o say, do not fax it wait a day you

Might want to change it the next day or during the 24 hours. If you made any change wait a day from the last change.

Please write it down.

2) Any communication should be based on using only the "I" or first person singular; I feel I think, etc. wait for a time that both parties are not vulnerable to use "you" and "we". You can describe your feeling like I feel sad. I understand you.

Please describe the I statements

3) Take out all the adjective from 1 and rewrite your wishes negative adjectives bring more negativity and positive might be construed as manipulation.

SAMPLE WORKSHEET 

LISTEN AND ASK QUESTIONS

You Have Two Ears and One Mouth--Use Them Proportionately

• Listen without interpretation.

• Listen without judgment.

• Listen without expectations.

• Listen without being upset.

• Listen without knowing the answer.

1. Listen to your partner and describe the conflict from his or her point of view. (Read aloud your partner’s point of view.)

___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________

2. Ask your partner to acknowledge if you understood his or her point of view, and if not, ask your partner to tell you again the important points and write them down.

___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________

3. Repeat this process until your partner feels that you understand his or her point of view.

___________________________________________________________

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The Monetary Stress Institute
Dr. Robby Gordon
34 Redwood Tree Lane
Irvine, California 92612-2226
Tel: 714-733-0607 Fax: 714-733-1238
1-800-303-ROBBY
                     1-800-303-7622
Email:drgordon@monetarystress.com

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